In this life the most challenging relationship you will have will be the one you have with yourself. You might think that it should be easy as you are one person. But in reality, you are one person with more than one brain, both of which are vying for a say in every interaction. The one in your head, which takes in information, analyses it, and tries to find the most logical solution. And the one in your heart, which in real-time assesses the feelings of the situation and comes to quick conclusions about everything. Only listening to the input of one of them lands us in disaster after disaster. It takes the balance of listening to both in order to lead an internally healthy and fulfilling life. 

Why is alignment between your head and your heart the single most important relationship that you will endeavor to balance? Because it is the only one we have complete control over. And the one we have full responsibility in keeping. I do understand that it is always easier to see others so I will use examples. We all have that friend who falls in love with the wrong person repeatedly. And in spite of seeing all the red flags and being warned by those around them, they just can’t seem to help themselves. This is a person living at the whims of the feeling and excitement generated only in the heart. 

And we know the person that is like an icicle, and each relationship ends with the other person saying some version of “emotionally unavailable” to their friends. This person lives at the command of their mind and acknowledges very little of what is going on in the heart space. Now, these are extreme examples and unfortunately, it’s rarely that straightforward for most people when they want to start investigating the interaction between the two. All decisions of any significance should be equally considered in both the head and the heart.  

It was tough for me at first to hear my heart’s voice. I am very analytically inclined and an overthinker. Another term I like to use for the mind is the ego. Mine was such a clever little buggar! And because it wanted to shield me from the pain that I was storing in my heart, it really didn’t want me to start investigating what my heart might have to say. Remember, the ego’s sole job is to move us from pain and into pleasure. It’s so simple, and it gets really good at it. If you are an overthinker, you will have to do as I did and spend time just asking your heart what it feels. And waiting patiently (I promise it is not impossible) until you can feel it. It took an embarrassing amount of time for me. And my ego is such that I will not say how long either. LOL But I will promise that if you are persistent, it will become second nature eventually.

If you are an over feeler and tend to react rashly, you will have to learn to stop, push pause on the outflow of emotions, and ask your mind to engage in logical dialogue. The best advice I have ever heard regarding doing this is to imagine that this was happening to someone else. In your mind, speak to your heart as if it is your best friend. What would you tell your friend to do in the same situation you find yourself in? You will find that your mind has quite a lot to say about the logistics of the problem you face once your heart is called to heel. But, again, patience will be required to make real headway. 

In this life, we must learn to be the best friend that we have. No one else will ever know you like you have the opportunity to. “Know thyself” is one of my favorite proverbs. Its so simply profound. In the same way that we must “reparent” ourselves, we must also “best friend” ourselves. And nothing we can do could be more loving than really listening to ourselves. 

The first things two people say when falling in love are: “I can tell them anything, they accept me, they don’t judge me, they really listen to me.” Do that for yourself. Love yourself and listen, no judgment, fully accept, and honestly tell and feel everything with you for you. Don’t pick up the phone immediately the next time you have an issue. Best Friend yourself first. Work with the less familiar aspect of you. The truth that is needed is often waiting there for you if you are brave enough to seek it. (Later, call that friend and tell them how you worked with the underdeveloped aspect of you. It’ll be good for them to hear and for you to explain.) 

This practice will change your life because it will shift so much inside you. And when you shift, everything coming magnetically to you shifts as well. It’s law. Earlier, I stated that you can only receive love equivalent to the love you offer to yourself first. The type of love you want to receive you have to embody, and this is a large part of how. If you have struggled to find a mate you can see forever with, do this work, and as you align with that person, they will show up. It’s law. They have to.