Relationships involving soul mates are often the most difficult until we begin to evolve spiritually. Learning to love the self is the most significant and primary step in our evolution. Soul-ties are our spiritual “family”. And before we came into the physical, we desired to have interactions in the physical with them. We agreed, because we were excited about what we could learn together, to some difficult lessons to work through together. Some would call that karma. The hiccup comes in these relationships only in the case of us not being spiritually evolved enough to see the lessons easily. 

Soul-tied relationships can be with parents, children, relatives, friends and romantic partners. These relationships, because the resonance of them is so strong with in us we find it difficult to walk aways from them even if they are extremely toxic. It is designed that way. Othewise less evolution would take place. The reason that is so true is that these are by far the most triggering, frustrating and often painful relationships. Why? Mostly because we are very ornery and stubborn. And change is very difficult for humans.

The lovely thing is this type of relationship, if the two people persevere and evolve, is the most beautiful and most fulfilling. By a lot. That doesn’t always happen, and often, a pause or two can happen along the way that is beneficial. But when it does work out it is always worth it. 

Let’s go quantum again. So we 99.999% energy. Everyone is. And that energy is spiritual energy of course. The Divine Source flowing to and through us all the time. And as this energy stream is everywhere in everything and connects all of it. We are all quantumly entangled, which is a scientifically proven fact. 

And quantum physics teachs that you can take two atoms (which we are made of) that are “familiar” with each other and separate them to opposite sides of the globe. And while no perceivable connection is apparent if you poke atom A, atom B (on the other side of the earth) responds in real-time as if it was simultaneously happening to it as well. 

The reason is that once “quantumly entangled,” atoms have an intimate, energetic connection. Likewise, our atoms “entangle” with those we become “familiar” with. In this way, all critical relationships are eternal. And why sometimes you will meet someone and feel as if you’ve “known them forever” – you quite possibly have. The resonance of your atoms with the information in theirs is familiar. And both will recongnize it.

Please understand that I am not implying that if you have an extremely toxic soul mate, you should stick it out. We knew coming that we may not be able to stay together, and that wasn’t even much of a consideration. From that perspective, it is understood that you are never really “separated” because you are always eternally entangled in a spiritual connection.  The entire point was growth. And that can happen together or apart.  If you begin to do the work to spiritually evolve, the relationship may or may not improve and may even feel, in some ways, worse. But do the work because you have more to gain than to lose.

One of the best ways to help to shift a toxic relationship, whether you are in physical contact with this person or not is to ethically release the energy between you. I call it “Pulling Cords” and it is an effective way to stop the transfer of negativity between someone with whom we are at odds with. Now these “cords” I am referring to are the energetic connection between our atoms. They are called Etherical Cords actually. 

The method I first used, because I had no idea what I was doing, was this: Draw a bath, light some candles, have some soft spa music playing, maybe some bubbles or salts, and a glass of wine (fully optional) get in and relax. Once I felt really relaxed I would say the following phrase while envisioning pulling electrical type cords free from my heart space as if it was an outlet and watching the cords retract slowly away, “I lovingly release you to the care and keeping of the universe at this time. I desire to be within my own energy for clarity.” Later I learned to add, “And I call back to myself all of my fragmented energies from all spaces and times. To be reintegrated into my being that I may be whole.” And then I would just relax and feel the “beingness” of myself alone. If anyone came to mind I would lovingly decline and ask them to wait until I reconnected that I need this time for myself. And in my mind I would hold a hand up to kindly deflect the cord. 

I can not describe in words the profound clarity, peace, and wisdom that this practice represents over the course of the past 15 or more years. It is life-changing if you have never disconnected from the energies of others. Especially if you are a people pleaser like I was. If you are, you are spending the majority of your emotional energy trying to guess what the other person’s feelings and needs are, and your mental energy is working to supply them. To be only in your own energy is incredible and enlightening.

I suggest doing this even if you are not in a problematic relationship – if only because it offers clarity to your life. I do it now just walking around if I am having a negative dialogue in my head about a situation with someone. I will disconnect to gain access to only my own perception. And it halts the flow of negative feelings between myself and the other person, and that is important.

Triggering – now there is an overused phrase. Lol – It perfectly describes the knee-jerk response that we often have to our soul mates. Triggering is essentially what happens when an old wound that was previously there, calling for energetic healing, is “bumped” up against. This unhealed wound, which can stem all the way back to childhood, causes the “bump” to feel like a punch. Which is not the case, but our reaction would imply that it had been. The “trigger” is meant to indicate the need to look within for something more significant than the “bump” experience could elicit and see what the wound is actually about. 

The refusal to look beyond the trigger is what will turn a soul mate relationship to a toxic one. They are meant to trigger us. To help us to evolve. And given our intense and unique feelings towards them, they are incredibly empowered to trigger us. Just realize that it is on you to evolve you. I know it is easier to blame them, focus on them, need them to be different. And I am not saying they don’t. But our ego loves to distract us from introspection. Because it knows right where it stuffed all that pain that the core wound is all triggered about. And your ego doesn’t really want you poking around in there. It has a running tally of all the emotional bubbles it hides (not very well) from you.  

The only way out is through, like the Bison. And the only thing you can genuinely change is you. And that is enough to start to shift everything. It all starts with the self. Self-love. Start with you, honey.